Little things

I had two anxiety attacks in one day. They both happened while I was in the middle of two happy moments. They can hit anytime even when I’m in a good mood.

Although I got used to dealing with panic attacks, every time they hit it’s a surprise and I go through the same thought process that leads me to thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. My blood pressure goes down and I start getting dizzy until my subconscious wakes up to remind me that everything will be fine and that I just need to rationalise and take deep breaths. I do that until my heartbeat slows down and my mind goes back to its senses.

Every time this happens to me, I tell myself that I should not underestimate the stress that I'm going through. I say to myself you're only getting these attacks because your system can't take the pressure. You'll be ok, it's just a panic attack and soon it will disappear like nothing happened.

Come to think about it, this is a serious struggle. But I so got used to panic attacks that I never think about them as an inevitable consequence of what’s going on in my life right now.

But today it hit me that when we go through hard times for a long period of time, our system gets used to it as if this is the norm and we programme ourselves to adapt to the new situation.

When the second attack hit me I was watching a soccer match with friends and my team was winning. One minute I was feeling like I was going to die and that it was the end of the world and when it passed a few minutes later it felt as if the sun was shining again. When the peace came back I started writing this post in my head and the first thought that came to mind was “life is beautiful!”

Little things in life become very special and we take time to enjoy every moment. I truly enjoyed that moment of peace right after the storm as if it were the happiest moment of my life.