Your children are not your children

I just had a painful conversation with a friend whose parents are opposed to the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Just like that a simple “No” combined with emotional blackmail has put an end to a possibly beautiful story which hasn’t yet started.   

Our conversation reminded me of what Gibran Khalil Gibran said about Children in his book The Profit.

”Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."

I have never met anybody who didn’t love The Profit by Gibran. In fact, people treat it like a bible. You’re likely to find it occupying a visible space in the library of every home you visit. People admire him and his work.  But do they really get it? Do they really understand what he says?

I feel hurt for my friend, for myself and for every single person I know and I don’t know who’s a victim of our selfish society.

When will our families come to terms with the fact that they do not own our future? Do they even think of the possibility that they may not be part of it?

Having said that, I sometimes tend to understand when parents have an opinion about matters of love and marriage. But in some cases their objection is a result of selfish love.

What I do not empathize with is when parents fantasize about their children’s future in the arts or music.  If they didn’t get to learn a certain instrument in their childhood, they want their kids to make it up to them! They want to realize their long lost dream through their children’s eyes who by the way are totally different people!

If your son wants to go to a dance school instead of studying to be a doctor, let him be. If your daughter wants to do drumming instead of ballet, well it’s not the end of the world.

I know I’m sounding overly passionate about this but I have seen my own friends repeat the same mistakes. I don’t have children myself but I have a younger sister and I must admit at one point I myself fell into that trap.

It is so easy to just let go and let things be. If we practice putting our ego on the shelf every time we intend to make a decision on behalf of any of our loved ones, life would be really beautiful and simple, devoid of anger, frustration, hatred, guilt and every negative emotion there is.