God’s wisdom - hikmeh

I remember writing the below note in my journal and I felt like sharing parts of it in this blog.

I’m still feeling traces of an anxiety attack I had earlier this evening. Though I’ve been doing well in trying to find wisdom behind all the agony I’ve been going through, I still get anxious sometimes. A part of me (my higher self) fully understands that this is all part of God’s plan to guide me into another level of consciousness. I know all that is happening to me is unreal and will soon take a turn into someone else’s life for the same purpose. 

But the human part of me (my ego) can’t help but live the pain, feel it with every inch of my body. I cried endlessly and felt sorry for myself and was anxious about what tomorrow would bring! I was going through what every normal human being goes through when faced with life’s painful realities.  I would think to myself if this were meant to elevate my consciousness I don’t want to wake up!

But I guess if we pause and try to transform the negative thoughts that play tricks with our minds into a whole new reality, a new awakening, we will start to see more clearly.

I sat there thinking of God and all the signs I’ve been blessed to see along the way. I pondered in his answers and felt grateful.

As far as I can remember I’ve been seeking answers to the wonders of life, the good ones and the bad ever since I turned 30, exactly 10 years ago. I started to pay attention to every misfortune and think of God’s wisdom. In Arabic we call it 'Hikmeh'!  We were raised to always believe that there is a Hikmeh to everything that happens to us in life. Hikmeh behind an accident, death in the family, illness, everything you can think of.  With this thought and despite the pain that comes with it, we were taught to say “Hamdillah” or “Thank God”.

But the ultimate purpose to this Hikmeh, was something our parents were possibly oblivious to. They didn’t tell us that with every misfortune, we learn to break a barrier that separates us from our higher soul, our ultimate truth.

The last ten years of my life were full of pain…and like every human being, with every incident, I asked God “why”? 

But I can’t deny the fact that I was also blessed with good fortune. But it was short lived.

I was blessed to find the ultimate purpose of God’s Hikmeh through the teacher I had been looking for all my life. She put me on the first steps of a journey to self-discovery. I used to call it “the spiritual boot camp”! It was the closest I was able to get to break all barriers to my higher soul.

Throughout the journey I learned a lot and found amazing answers that transformed my whole belief system. I am not ashamed to admit that in the past I was a fool trapped in my own inhibitions.  But there I felt like a bird set free to explore a new world.

In short…I was starting to see.

In my eyes my journey took the shape of a puzzle. I stumbled upon the pieces along the way. I started to pick them up piece by piece and put them together. Some were given to me on a silver plate and others I had to seek. With every piece God inspired an answer.

Today as I was writing all this, I remembered a phrase our parents always used. “God causes true believers to suffer because he loves them.” When I was much younger it didn’t really make any sense to me. If we were true believers why would God want us to suffer? And why should we be thankful for the pain?  But it does make sense.

Only with pain do we gain perspective, and pain is the only vehicle that takes us to the road less traveled.

That is why we should be thankful because God is showing us the way.